Reflections One Year LaterEditThis is a page that I started to collect my thoughts from approximately 1 year after mom's death. Feel free to add your own feelings or link to your own pages.
Dad wrote his thoughts on his own page here .
You would think that a year would assauge the pain, but it feels like time has done just the opposite for me. If anything, the past year has only given me more time to reflect on how profoundly she affected my life while she was still here.
I am going to be graduating from pharmacy school soon and these past six years have been grueling and hellish at times. But, sources of comfort and motivation were always knowing that I had her support and that she would be there on my graduation day. Now, that won't happen.
Mom and Dad talk about her frequently, making asides along the lines of "If Chu was here, we could have done this all together and had alot of fun." But, sometimes I wish they would stop doing that because I feel it forces me to confront my feelings of sadness surrounding her not being here anymore.
When I do confront these feelings though, they feel heavy. Most repetitive is that "she's gone and there's no way you can bring her back" and that pisses me off the most. It pisses me off because of all the impossible things in this world that can't be done, this one is the most impossible. The finality and permanence of that statement is crushing.