It is unbelievable that mom has been gone for two years. It is still so very painful to think about; I can count on one hand the times this past year that I have allowed myself to dwell on the thought that she is gone. Her presence still feels so strong around me when I don't focus on her absence. It is like when you are walking in the forest on a warm sunny afternoon. As you have been walking, dusk has come and gone; you still feel warm until you look into the sky and you suddenly realize that it is dark and you are cold.
I have been thinking about posting something about mom for a long time. My dad asked me about 2 months after mom died what I miss most about her. I couldn't find an answer. The thing is that there is not anything in particular about her that can be named that seems to make sense as an answer to that question. She was an embodiment of that spirit of happiness and warmth and family. She was an instigator of fun and togetherness.
It is interesting to observe her effect in still photographs, especially now that digital cameras have generated a host of shutter-happy photographers. There is inevitably a photo where my mother cracking up over something and everyone else is just sort of looking confused. Then the smiles seem to spread centrifugally from her epicenter.
Sometimes I worry that we will never laugh together like that again. **Signed by Vince** 04:14, February 2, 2011 (UTC)